So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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