Pants 0. Shit 1.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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