last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
