I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
