Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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