Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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