He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
