Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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