Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
