The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
