I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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