im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
