No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
