I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
