This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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