i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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