last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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