I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
