my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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