Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
