you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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