Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
