final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
