Church boner. Awkwardddd
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
