SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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