She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
