You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
