oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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