Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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