I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
