I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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