he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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