Cold hands, warm shart.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Small penises have feelings too.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This baby is an asshole
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
