and i looked up. we had an audience...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize