Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize