I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
