I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
