Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
