Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
