How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
