Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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