how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
