Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i've created a new STD.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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