I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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