Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
