He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
