the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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