summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
