Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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