Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize