I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
