i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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