Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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