Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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