i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
