Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
