i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
