loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
