Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it penis luge time yet?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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