someone threw a dead crab at me
so explain again why im purple
no
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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