Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
