Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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