please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
