she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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