It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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