So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
