Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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