I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
