I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
