Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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