So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
dude. I can hear the air.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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