I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
