I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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