I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
