the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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