Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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