so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
