my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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