I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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