weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
