Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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