I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
