hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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