Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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