I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
