So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
