I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
